frick, he's going to find out. i can no longer hide or deny my feelings anymore ='|

i dont know what to say. my feelings grew exponentially and i really cant deny them anymore. ive been so reluctant to say that i think i've fallen in love.

what would i even say? oh, i like you but don't want a relationship? what would be the point of that? it'd just be awkward.

i'm actually really confused. he acts like there's possibly something there. in the last few weeks were definitely more comfortable around each other. there kind are feelings.

i actually am more confused every day. i don't think he knows but i can't figure him out.

things keep pointing to the same thing yet i'm still a chicken and i'm too scared to say anything. i feel like it's gotten to the point that time's running out

he doesn't make anything easier; just unneeded stress and tears. he obviously doesnt care so why should I?

i don't know if he realizes, but right now i'm extremely sensitive. Rather unstable and vulnerable. I dont think i care anymore. he can eff off and let me go to calgary?

Defining romance is like trying to capture the grandeur of the grand canyon with a disposable camera. No matter how many pictures you take, your attemps fall short. ~pp35.

"when you're close emotionally, you give away part of your heart/.../there are long term consequences." - pp37.

Imagine you're a student in an art class. You and dozens of classmates are learning from a master painter. One day your teacher displays a painting of his own. It's an incredible work of art, and he wants each of you to copy it.

You're about to begin working when you turn to look at the person next to you. You're surprised to note that he has a larger brush than you and a different kind of canvas. You look around the rest of the class. Some students have acrylic paint, others watercolor, still others oil-- and everyone is using different colors. Though you all have the same assignment, you each have completely different materials. This frustrates you. Some students have materials that you prefer for yourself. Why should they get them?

You're not the only student to notice teh disparity. A hand goes up on your left/ A girl with only a ragged brush and three pale shades of blue on her palette is noticeably agitated. "This isn't fair," she tells the teacher. "How do you expect me to duplicate your painting when the people around me have so many more colors to choose from?"

The teacher smiles. "Dont worry about the other students," he says. "I've carefully chosen the brushes and paints for each of you. Trust me. You have what you need to complete the assignment. Rmemember your goal is not to create a painting that mirrors the person next to you, but to do your best with the materials I've given you to replicate my painting."

~pp30-31